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“Social media is operating in a way that is

...not designed to make us feel better.

It’s just designed to make us want to use it.””

Dr Kay Tye - Neuroscientist

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Hi Reader

Happy Valentines!

Despite being a practical, level-headed person, I’m also a hopeless romantic and a deep believer in the power of love.

And, it appears I’m not alone.

Not only is “romance” the top bestselling fiction genre since forever, but in 2023 alone, sales of romance books grew by 52%!

It seems we're all craving a bit more (fictional) love.

Perhaps we feel like we're not getting enough love in our real lives.

Or perhaps we feel the need to escape the realities of our full and busy (and, in some cases, unfulfilling) lives.

And, a bit of "happily ever after" (HEA in author speak) always makes us feel good, right!

But when it comes to Valentine’s day, I’ve always been a bit like the Christmas grinch.

On this “fake” day of love, which will be plastered all over social media encouraging us to over-spend and over-indulge, I urge you to forget the consumerism attached to Valentine’s.

Instead, I encourage you to spread the love in an entirely different way.

1. LOVING KINDNESS

11th to 17th February 2024 is "Random Acts of Kindness Week".

With all the heavy stuff going on in the world, help make kindness the norm, not just for those special people in your life, but also for those you don’t know, who may need it.

Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation’s site for inspo on things you can do.

2. THE BEEGEES KNEES

If your love celebration today involves dinner and daaaanciiiiing, yeahhhh, but it’s become tricky to bust moves due to creaky knees (speaking for myself here), then you’ll benefit from listening to the first interview for Season 9.

​In episode 56, I have a lovely chat with Laurie Kertz Kelly about how caring for our knees improves our chances of creating cadence in our workdays, building momentum in our lives, and maintaining healthy social interactions, (especially later in life).

Lots of great thoughts and advice from Laurie, and she has excellent resources on her Kertz Coaching YouTube channel, plus get her free downloable resource for healthy knees too.

3. CREATING MEANINGFUL CONNECTION

In my last newsletter, I wrote about my plan to purposefully spend less time on social media.

To clarify, I will still be on these platforms, I’m just being more intentional about where, what, and how, I’m doing what I do there.

In pondering what this change looks like for me, it’s bringing up a lot of challenging questions.

One of the many reasons why I’m changing how I engage on social, is that I don’t feel like I’m creating meaningful connections there, in the same way I can when chatting with someone in a relaxed work, social, or networking environment, or on my podcast.

In 2023, the WHO declared LONELINESS a global health concern (and silent killer).

So, we’re all becoming more aware of the need for better, healthier opportunities for social interaction and connection.

But, it turns out, it’s not just any connection that will support us.

Combatting loneliness is about being able to tap into the right kinds of connection that bolster our health.

Craving Nourishing Interactions

On a recent Huberman Lab podcast interview, Dr Kay Tye - a neuroscientist studying the amygdala - explained that the quality and context of our social interactions affect whether they can provide nourishment that’s beneficial to our brain and body.

Good conversation and meaningful connection are like savouring wholesome food.

• They boost health, energy, sleep, mindset, and a host of other things.

By contrast, a lack of deep connection can feel like being hungry ten minutes after eating a Big Mac 'n fries.

• The after-experience is hollow, shallow, unfulfilling, just like eating empty carbs.

​According to Dr. Kay Tye, with social media, when we post, we’re not posting to a specific person, we’re posting to “everyone”.

And we’re sharing activities that exclude everyone, other than the “people in the pictures”.

So, we’re bystanders looking in after the fact.

How our brains interpret this scenario can trigger us to feel anxious or excluded.

In these situations, we don’t get to experience what is known as “inter brain synchrony”.

This is nerd-speak for the meaningful connections and sense of belonging we feel in both our body and our brain from nourishing social interactions.

These types of connection can be tricky to achieve in a world where we spend most of our time online, especially on social media, as we can't use all of our senses to help us make meaning from the interactions, and to help us feel a sense of belonging.

Changing Our Minds

To this end, I’m exploring options and considering how I can show up better in these social spaces to help and connect people in more nourishing and meaningful ways.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m feeling my way to finding a better way to stay connected with what matters.

Likes and impressions aren’t it! Dancing or dramming it up on an Insta reel definitely isn't it.

And, it turns out Substack isn’t the right way for me to do this, either.

In the space of a week, I did a tyre-screeching U-turn about being on there, after finding out about this debacle of poor community management.

So, I'm on the hunt for another thought space - might be Ghost or Beehiv, or back to Medium, or just hanging here. I'll keep you posted.

Over to you...

1. What are your thoughts on nourishing connections?
2. How do you connect meaningfully with the people in your networks, both in person and online?
3. What's working and what's not?

4. COMING UP

At the end of the month, the launch link for the Cadence Coaching Programme goes live.

Based on some great feedback, the format is being tweaked a bit to give you TWO options for getting the goodies.

There will also be another cracking podcast episode filled with light and positivity, which I hope will fill your heart and feed your soul as much as it did mine.

Until next time, keep moving forwards with courage, curiosity and cadence.

Sending lots of love,

Mich x

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Images by Mich Bondesio, unless otherwise stated.